I hate myself for loving you


I am totally at wits with regards to Kieran. People say I’m too hard on him, if I’m not hard on him now, what will be the consequences if I’m not hard on him? I see a lot of youths nowadays I oso pening kepala leow (headache) cos firstly their attire already quite outrageous, then they hold branded and the latest mobile phones, and the way they behave really disgusts me lor. I really cannot allow my Kieran to become liddat!

But no matter how much I punish him and spank him, he doesn’t seem to understand and comprehend and keeps repeating the mistakes, something like my maid leh…ayooooooo….in fact, I’ve used my maid as an example to warn him, like if he doesn’t obey me he will end up like my maid, doing hard labour la and get scolding from people like me everyday! Then I will ask him if he wanted that and he will quickly answer no wor!

Like yesterday, I asked him how is he going to spend his RM1.

Me-Are u going to bus sweets?

K-No..

Me-How about cold drinks?

K-No..

Me-Then what are you going to buy?

K-RULER!

Me-What for? You already have rulers and I have a lot in the office (supplier gave ma…) Don’t buy ah!

K-ok…(in a very small voice)

Then when I saw him later that night, he waved the new ruler into my face..

K-Look mummy, RULER!!!

Me-(fuming mad) Why u disobeyed mummy? I told u not to buy, but why did u still buy it?

K-(looked so guilty with face down)

Me-That’s it, u deliberately disobey me all the time, meaning u don’t like to listen to mummy, do don’t call me mummy anymore. (stormed off)

I was so angry that I didn’t think and started throwing out his mattress and pillow and shooed him out of my room. I made him sleep in his own room but we are not able to turn on the aircon as I have not installed the door yet! So he slept with the fan only.

This morning…

Me-So, do you still love mummy?

K-…….(silent)

I asked a few times but he still didn’t reply….

K-You didn’t let me sleep in your room…

Me-So is that why you don’t love me now?

K-…………(silent again)

Sigh……So punishing him has made him stop loving me, but I love him so much that I have to punish him when I find that he’s gone out of line…how do I make him understand that punishment doesn’t mean that I don’t love him? Maybe I was too harsh when I asked him to call me mummy again….

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14 responses to “I hate myself for loving you

  1. Please don’t ask poor Kieran not to call you mummy leh. My mum used to do that to me and i was so afraid that she doesn’t want me and would leave me one day. Actually she did say she would (many times) and I grew up feeling insecure. I know it’s hard to control your anger and you don’t mean what you said. It’s hard to being a parent.

  2. Laundry Amah, I will not take your side the way you scolded Kieran. He bought that ruler because his heart wanted to have the ruler NOT because he wants to disobey you. He’s a little kid who wants to experience things himself. When he was buying the ruler, this little naive boy just forgot what you told him for a while because his wanting to buy something (ruler) is so strong. I don’t mean that he can buy the ruler even when you’ve told him not to… Just please don’t be so harsh on him. Little children needs to be reminded again and again for things that they are forbided to do. It is always easier to tell them what to do… for example in this case…u tell him what he can buy, and let him decide. I think this way he can remember better.

    I did what u did too, and ended up with a more stubborn kid! I learnt to later method, and it seems to work better… Less yelling.

    Remember we’re told….Don’t think of a durian. Don’t think of the durian sold at road side… The more we’re told not to think of durian, the more we think of durian.

  3. aiyo..amah, so understand where you’re coming from.

    unfortunately, kids need to be reminded quite a lot. I, already, shouting shouting shouting at my 5yr old…and then ask him, WHY CAN”T HE REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD HIM????!!!! Then I think to myself,..becoz he’s just a kid.

    sigh…so hard to be good parent. as long as your heart has good intentions…i think, better than nothing la.

  4. amah, hmmm this time round i think i you are a bit too harsh on boy. its true that kids will sometimes make us pull our hair but at the end of the day, they are just kids. i agree with annie tan; boy just want to buy the things he want at that moment… but that does not mean that you are allowing impulse buying at all times. why dont you change yr approach like: “Ok kieran, you have bought the ruler this time. So mommy hope that you will use yr money to buy other useful things like food cos food can make yr stomach full and you can be strong” OR “Ok keiran, mommy noticed that you are not obeying mommy, so this ruler mommy is going to keep first. this whole week you have to be a good boy then after this week, mommy will REWARD you with this ruler”. you see, kids are just like us adults sometimes, we would sometimes like to do things out of curiosity… kieran buying the ruler might be his curiosity of buying a ruler AND dont know what to do with it later (me and you also always lidat ma)…. kids will be kids… teach slowly ok. it breaks our heart the most when they dont anwer us when we asked them if they love us anymore. we only want to love them and teach them the proper way… there are many approach besides of spanking i belief. dont hate yrself…. you are doing good…

  5. I probably would do the same thing at that time, i.e. scold scold scold. But when you sit and reflect on it, ah… it’s actually not such a big deal, and he’s just being a kid. I know that talk is easy lah. I always scream and scold the boys, and after I put them to bed ah, then I think “aiya..they are not bad kids. they are just behaving like kids” and then I feel damn guilty. Then stupid H will be sniggering at his side of his bed.

    As my friend says.. Kids are kids lah. We, adults sometimes EXPECT them to behave like adults. I mean some adults also don’t behave well. How can we expect kids to be perfect?? Which is impossible lah. We scold in the heat of the moment. … but if we can TAHAN for a couple of hours, somehow, it’s not as bad as we first thought it is.

  6. he wanted THAT RULER, so he bought it….and not any other ruler.

  7. aiyoh amah… you don’t be so frust lar… I am in no rights to tell you what to do as I have not been through that yet since my boy is till very much a baby. I agreed with what the rest has mentioned above.. ie: Kieran is still a very young child. Probably you sould be more level-headed when you dicipline him… when you are so fire-up sure say the wrong thing. So must be cool…. scolding is not the right solution all the time. Like my mom used to tell me, must use the right techniques to tackle kids as they grow coz they change all the time. Like the saying goes ‘sik-yuen-eum-sik-ngang’ meaning ‘eat soft dont eat hard’…. am I making sense??? πŸ˜›

  8. cool down laundryamah..
    never mind la.. it happens all the time when i was a little girl..
    but i eventually cant stand the thought of boycotting my mum too.. πŸ™‚ he’ll be okay eventually.. don’t be too hard on yourself..

  9. My boy same age with Kieran, I really understand how you feel. Nowadays children too smart, we scold scold scold, they won’t listen and also don’t know why we so angry. My boy is very stubborn and bad temper, so I have to change my method, mostly I listen first then explain and talk to him repeatedly to remind him not to do the mistake again.

    Agreed with Angeline method keep the ruler and reward later.

  10. Thanks for all your advise. I really do not know what to do with him. I’ve tried the talking part and he seems to understand very well when I’m talking to him but after turning around he repeats the same mistake again! Kinda like my maid situation…ayo..VOMIT BLOOD!

  11. Aiyoo…did you ask him why he wants to buy the ruler? So charm la kieran, hv to sleep outside? Ooooo poor boy. Amah, dun be so garang la.

  12. LaundryAmah .. dun lau lau adi jor la later wrinkle all coming out leh .. cool down .. is just a ruler nvm la .. yeah

    Come come i give u BIG HUGZ yeah .. Take it easy yeah

  13. Amah, my boy said that he dun love me before too.. and cos i didn’t allow something he wanted too. I ignored it and moved on to talk about something else constructive. Moments later… he’ll say, “Papa, I love you… and rabbit loves you too!” πŸ™‚

  14. Amah, I know where you are coming from. Ryan has the same stubborn attitude. But when I’m all fired up over things he does, I sometimes over react.

    Sometimes, we just need to reflect the good side of our kids. Then, talk, talk and talk to him. I know I’ve done hours of talking over one simple thing just to put my point across. Yes, it can definitely be frustrating but what can I say? My mom will probably say it’s payback time for me πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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